Interesting admissions...

So there have been a few funny moments over the past few weeks on clinics. The one happened when one of the students was talking to an owner about their dogs that were in for breeding. We call them “honeymooners” (the dogs, not the people!) because they stay with us for a while and um, yes, there is rather a lot of “action” involved. So the student was trying to explain to the owner that the dog’s semen quality was not really up to scratch. And the owner (Italian Mafia type, complete with swarthy complexion, moustache and glowering eyes) said, “No problemo! I also struggle in the winter!” in a thick Italian/South African accent. Um. Ja well no fine!

And then we had a jack russel in scan to check if she was pregnant. The owner was quite worried as it was planned and she really didn’t want there to be any puppies. Anyway, so I asked her how it had all happened (obviously, I know HOW it all happened! I was more interested in whether or not it was the neighbour’s dog or the owner’s other dog). So she got quite flustered and blurted out, “Well, they had unprotected sex!” Ah. Yes, that would do it! I haven’t heard it described in quite that way before, but that was pretty much what it boiled down to!!

Then we had a call out to go and see a cow that was calving and our fantastic directions, scrawled on a scrap of paper were: Head up the soutpansberg rd, go over 3 speed bumps and the owner will be waiting for you in a green venture. Just up the road. Now, I’m always suspicious of places that i don’t know that are “just up the road” and directions like, “go over three speed bumps.” But what can you do? So we set off, drive for about 20km, go over the obligatory 3 speed bumps and..... yep, you guessed it, no sign of anyone in a green venture. So we called the number on the scrap of paper... “Yes, yes!! 3 speed bumps! We wait! Green Venture” like it was the most obvious thing in the world!! So I explained that we had gone over three speed bumps and we couldn’t see them. I then tried to explain what junction we were at....”Yes! Yes! Straight! You go straight, straight, straight!” Ok, could he give us any other directions? “Straight! Straight! Straight! 3 speed bumps!! You see green Venture!” So, with little other option, we continued straight (unsurprisingly!) until reached a rather big junction and I called again. “Mr Kumale (not his real name) we’re at the Solomon Katinka highway, must we turn left or right or continue over the highway?” “Yes! Yes! Straight! Straight! Straight! 3 speed bumps! Green Venture!” So on we tootled, past the Tswaing Crater (which, you’d think would be quite an important landmark on an otherwise unremarkable landscape?!), we continued into Limpopo province (“Just up the road”) and lo and behold, we came across three speed bumps in the middle of frikkin nowhere!!! And, as we’d been told, there, after the 3^rd speed bump, was the greenest venture I have ever seen! Like, John Deere tractor green! With a strip of yellow reflective tape all the way round!! Well, we had been told!